Parenting Problems: Take Two
In last week’s blog I shared how I returned to a hotel to retrieve some missing shoes only to eventually find those shoes were already in my car. When I chose to believe this wasn’t a big deal, that it was not a reason to get upset, I got to feel love and peace, something that would not have been available to me if I was angry.
It seems kind of obvious in situations that don’t include the heartstrings of a mother. But what if the same thing applied even when your teenage son stops going to church, doesn’t serve a mission, or even moves in with his girlfriend?
It does apply.
What you’re thinking about your problem with your son really is up to you (and that’s actually good news!). Since your thoughts cause you to feel a certain way, ask yourself, “How do I want to feel about this?”
Let’s say your son moves in with his girlfriend. You don’t approve of this decision, and in fact, you’ve taught him much differently, but he’s moved in with her anyway. Your initial reaction may be one of heartbreak, anger, disappointment, or even indifference. But my question for you is ~ How do you want to feel about this?
I’m not suggesting you should feel delighted or even OK with it (although you certainly can if you’d like). The truth is ~ there’s no “right” answer to how you want to feel about this. You get to decide.
As you think about how you want to feel, you might also consider how you want to behave in this particular situation. No matter what’s going on for me, I act differently if I’m curious rather than enraged, if I feel hope rather than despair. And I’ve found that, especially in parenting my teens, how I behave certainly makes a difference in the situation.
So, how do you want to feel about this problem?
What feeling will help you to show up in this problem from a place of wisdom and peace?
Answers to your problems and creativity in finding solutions come so much easier when you are calm and curious. Is what you’re doing now serving you and helping the problem? Is there something you could think or feel that wouldn’t cause you to act from a negative space?
Different thoughts and feelings will always cause you to act differently. Even in your situation. Even when you can’t control other people.
If you can feel the truth in this but aren’t quite sure what a useful feeling might even be for you in your particular situation, feel free to sign up for a free mini-session and I’ll show you how.