Do you have this skill?
There I sat across the table from my son. He had asked me out on a date, a belated birthday gift. AS he sat looking at the menu I felt my mind racing, kind of like a movie on fast-forward. Only this wasn’t some blockbuster hit.
The memories flooding in were from the last ten months: when he walked out the door, promising to never come back; when I reached out in love only to be harshly accused of ulterior motives; when he wouldn’t answer my calls or texts and I didn’t know where he was or how he was doing; when I heard through the grapevine that he had reached out to other people, but never us; when I “watched” him on the Snapchat map (until Snapchat changed and you had to request permission to follow location); when our plane landed one morning and I had several messages waiting for me that he was in some serious trouble, and he still wouldn’t talk to us; when I found out that he had taken advantage of some dear, kind-hearted friends; when he stopped by unexpectedly one evening to give me an early Mother’s Day card and he looked so broken and his hug was so hollow; when he told us that anywhere was better than home, even his less-than-ideal living conditions.
Tears came to my eyes as I contemplated all we have been through and I almost surprised myself with the amount of gratitude and love that I had in my heart for him, not because nothing bad had happened, not because everything was now wonderful, and not even because I sat there with false hope. The love and gratitude I felt was because I was so grateful for this time with him and I knew that if I had lived through the last year consumed with fear and anger and hopelessness this date probably wouldn’t have happened. (Side note: this isn’t to say I never felt fear, anger, and hopelessness; I just didn’t become consumed by them.)
I used to believe I had to wait for life to be what it should be before I could really start enjoying it. It was almost as if the part of my life that was good was always tainted by the other part ~ the part that was going all wrong, the part I wished was different.
Even though we know better ~ at least in theory ~ when it comes to our own situation the principle doesn’t seem to really apply. But, it does.
There’s nothing unique about me that makes it so I can go through these tumultuous times with love and gratitude, and you can’t. I don’t have a special gene that makes it easier for me than for you. I’ve simply learned how to separate myself from what’s actually going on so I don’t make every bad thing that happens be my fault. It’s a skill, and one that anyone can learn. Even you. Even in your situation.
If you’re ready to learn how to feel more love and gratitude ~ even though you’re frustrated with the choices your son is making ~ it’s totally possible. Set up your free mini-session now and let your own journey towards peace in parenting begin.