Why your teen’s choices are perfect

 In better relationship, find peace in parenting, Uncategorized

He spends a lot of time with questionable friends.

He’s not interested in anything good or worthwhile.

He doesn’t even go to church anymore.

And I have the gall to say, “Your teen’s choices are perfect”?!?

But what if they are perfect?  Perfect for him to learn the lessons he needs to learn.  Perfect for you to learn the lessons you need to learn.  Perfect because this is how it’s happening and life always turns out the way it does, not the way it should.

It took me a while to wrap my head around this myself.  How could my son leaving the Church be “perfect” when I had always planned (and worked so hard) for something different?  How could this be “perfect” when I taught him differently (and I still believe the things I taught)?  How in the world could this all be “perfect”?

Because this is what happened.

Just last year we received a phone call telling us our son was dropping out of high school.  For some reason the school needed our signature (even though our son was “legally an adult” and no longer living at home).  Although we hadn’t talked to him in a while, we reached out and tried to counsel with him.  He wasn’t happy to hear from us, especially about this.

But his choice to initiate the process to drop out of school actually turned out to be a turning-point for us.  He returned home, stayed in school, and we’ve had some precious time to mend hearts ~ and continue to struggle with each other (life is 50/50, after all).  Life is definitely not perfect; parenting is still hard; but I never thought his choice to quit school would turn out the way it did.  There’s no way I could’ve known.

I certainly don’t have a crystal ball and don’t even pretend to know how it’s all going to turn out.  Nor do I have a time machine so I can go back and do things differently that might change where we are now.  But believing this has all just gone terribly wrong doesn’t serve me at all.  In fact, it drives a wedge between me and my Heavenly Father, and it puts a wall up between me and my son.  Neither one of these will help make the situation better.  But believing my son’s choices are just right allows me to be curious and loving, which ultimately helps me show up as a better mom. What would believing your teen’s choices are perfect do for you?

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