Confidence v. Self-Doubt
Last week we talked about how self-doubt is always going to be a part of parenting, but since it’s a choice (because it comes from your thinking), you always have the option to stay stuck in self-doubt or choose confidence instead. For those ready to choose confidence, keep reading!
The first part of the process of choosing confidence over self-doubt is recognizing your doubts. Sometimes this isn’t easy because your doubts are good at tricking you into thinking they are true. Don’t get confused! Just think about something you really want (like a good conversation with your teen) and once you start thinking about actually having it your brain will start flooding with all the reasons it won’t happen (self-doubt). Remember, though, these are just thoughts; write them down (you just might be surprised by what you’re thinking).
Next, notice what you do when you’re thinking and feeling this way. Really pay attention because this is the point of power: You can decide if you want to stay attached and believe those thoughts OR if it’s time to let them go.
Do you want to believe there’s no hope for you and your teen? It might not feel like it’s a choice, but it is. Do you want to think there’s no hope? You have to decide you don’t want to believe it.
Finally, ask yourself, “What do I want my opinion of our relationship to be?” What do you want to think about when you think about your relationship with your teen? Your answer to these questions then become new and different thoughts for you to practice. As you do, they will create new and different feelings, which means you’ll behave in new and different ways so you can create the relationship you really want with your teen.
Interestingly (and not a coincidence!), my relationship with all of my boys has improved immensely since I dropped the majority* of my self-doubt a few years ago, even though they don’t always live just like I wish they would, and ~ here’s the amazing part ~ even when they make choices I whole-heartedly disagree with. This means I get to stay connected to them, no matter what, and who knows, maybe I’m even influencing them in ways I can’t even see in the moment.
Each obstacle in your relationship with your teen is an opportunity to doubt yourself OR an opportunity to learn and grow. Of course, learning and growing require effort because “becoming” requires effort. Sometimes we feel entitled to “easy” ~ but that doesn’t make us stronger or help us grow.
Are you willing to make the effort?
The next time you’re overcome with self-doubt remember this:
- Self-doubt means you’re stretching yourself, asking more of yourself, growing.
- Self-doubt always invites you to quit or have a low opinion of yourself, but it’s always your choice if that is what you are going to make it mean.
- Self-doubt will always be the obstacle in front of you but you can get better at giving in to it OR overcoming it.
So the real question is: Are you going to create a relationship with your teen with self-doubt OR with courage and determination?
The choice is yours.
If you’re ready to throw out the self-doubt so you can gain the confidence you want as a parent, then it might be time for you to schedule your own private mini-session to see if Find Peace in Parenting coaching is for you. Schedule your free mini-session now.
*Self-doubt will always try to creep back in, but as I get better at recognizing it, I choose to get rid of it.