Questions Change Everything
Something goes wrong (or at least not the way you planned) and your mind can so quickly and so easily go to questions like:
- Why does this have to happen to me?
- Why do I have to suffer this right now?
- What have I done to deserve this?
- Why won’t he just listen and trust me?
Since our brains like to find the answers to the questions we ask it, it’s important to know that these kinds of questions will always lead you to blind alleys that are full of worry, despair, and frustration. While it might be your natural instinct to “go there” ~ you don’t have to stay there!
As you think about your current struggles with your son, try on one of these questions instead ~ and notice the difference:
- What am I to learn from this experience?
- Am I willing to feel differently about my son / our situation?
- Can I imagine someone else thinking differently about this?
- What if I just wanted to be right where I am?
- How do I want to feel about this?
- How might this be perfect for me?
- What would feel most like love?
The question that helped me most in my own struggles with my son was this:
- Who do I want to be in this situation?
After the exhaustion that came from sadness, worry, and resentment had me merely going through the motions of my life, I woke up one day and realized I was tired of the heaviness and done with the bitterness. But, if not that, then what? Who did I want to be in this situation that was thrust upon me? My answer: a mom confident in my parenting choices because I knew, while they weren’t always perfect, they were (and had always been) grounded in love; a woman who had unconditional love for all involved (including myself); and, someone who felt peace more than angst.
Making a decision to become this kind of person in my situation didn’t take all the heartache away, but it did allow me to mostly show up in a way I didn’t have to regret later. It didn’t take all the angst away, but it helped me to enjoy the good things that also happen in the midst of hard things. And, it didn’t clear everything up immediately, but it did open up a way for healing to begin.
Even when it feels like everything is out of control, asking yourself the right kind of questions can help steer you back into the light, leaving that dark, dreary alley behind. Try it; you’ve got nothing to lose.
If you need some help getting out of the dark, dreary alley you find yourself in because you’re tied up in knots because of your son, schedule your very own mini-session now. Find Peace in Parenting coaching will help you find your way out of the darkness… and stay out of it for good!